I write advice for Advice.LoveDetour.com.  Once a week I receive an email with links to the questions, which are blog post-style.  My advice, as well as the advice from other Advice.LoveDetour.com “certified relationship experts,” is displayed as comments to the original question.  My policy is to read the question, respond to the question, and then read the advice from the other experts.

For several months I have noticed the advice of one of my fellow experts is downright wacky.  Many times I considered writing to him, but realized that just because we don’t agree on some things does not mean his advice is “bad.”  For example, he simply did not respond to a question about a long-distance relationship because the relationship happened to be between two women.  Not responding was certainly better than the alternative, telling the woman asking the advice that her love was “wrong,” so I held my tongue (fingers?).

I finally wrote when he advised a 16-year-old boy who had gotten to “third base” with a girl to avoid all sexual contact until he was in a committed relationship, that girls will trick him into getting them pregnant, and that he will be branded a sex offender because there are very mature-looking, but crazy, 13- and 14-year-old girls who will lure him into bed.


Sun, 4/4/10, S M <[email protected]> wrote:

From: S M <[email protected]>
Subject: Really?
To: [John, fellow “expert.”]
Date: Sunday, April 4, 2010, 6:17 AM


I am a fellow “relationship expert” on Advice.LoveDetour.com and have come to read your advice with growing concern.

You make a lot of assumptions based on the little information you’ve gleaned from the questions.  Also, you have a distinct air of misogyny in your responses.  It is our job to offer advice, not judgment.

I can only assume it is because of your college major of “Bible” that you don’t respond to questions regarding same-sex relationships, and why you advise sexual relations only for people in committed relationships, but I assure you that the people who ask our advice – who have both Judeo-Christian and other value systems – need practical advice, not knee-jerk reactions based on your personal beliefs.

I hope this provides us with an opportunity to open a dialogue.


Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner



From: John
To: S M <[email protected]>
Sent: Sun, April 4, 2010 8:45:29 AM
Subject: Re: Really?

Hey Suzanne:

We are all a product of our background and value systems.  I don’t understand the misogynistic claim.  You have given no basis for that name calling.

As to same sex marriages, I refrain from commenting on them so as to avoid giving offense.  The bible specifically forbids them in both the new testament and the old testament.  I am not about to put that out there so as to be a distraction.  Look at what happened to Carrie Prejean.  Perez Hilton was sexist, misogynistic and personified hate speech.  Ms Prejean’s beliefs coincided with Obama’s beliefs, but it did not stop Perez Hilton from ranting and calling her the C word.  Where were the feminists when Perez was ranting and spewing hate speech against a woman who prefaced her remarks that she did not wish to give offense, but expressing her personal belief system.  Liberals want free speech unless it is by a conservative and then they are all for censorship.

As to suggesting that people wait to have sex until they are in a committed relationship, (note I did not say married) I stand by that advice.  There are a whole lot of guys who will take advantage of women offering sex in the hopes that it will turn into a relationship only to used and tossed aside.

The fact that I disagree with you does not make you right and me wrong.  I believe that Sunny wants a mix of advice. I would certainly offer that mix.

I appreciate your taking time to try and “civilize me” but I see a society that is reeking with misandry.

Best wishes


Don’t worry, kids, there’s is a lot more to come.  The guy thinks he’s smart so he goes on quite a bit.

I swear.  True story.