1 something in the AM

I don’t want to go to bed yet cause I’m thinking too much.  Shit, I don’t want Maury to say anything to Henry about me shit that would be embarrassing cause he hates me I think I don’t know I don’t know anything I hate it when I can’t control a situation.  My eye is watering.  I’m being healthy by drinking lots of water cleaning my system out shit I don’t know anything.  My ear ear itches cause one hole or another is healing.  I don’t like this song – it sounds to disco and some guy is professing his love for some chick.  Yeah, right.  Damn.  Why do I always get talkative late at night?  Why does he act like he doesn’t care?  He must care about something, that is something besides his pot.  Fuck I don’t know anything.  Will I ever know?  I fucking hope so.

After June 1, I will be able to call KROQ without a toll charge.  The phone company has enlarged my local calling area from eight to twelve miles.  I’m just so excited.  This station sucks.  They play the same thing over and over.  Boys are dumb.

Fuck, I’m almost out of pot and I still have to get some for my mother with money I spent in Disneyland.  Crap, shit, fuck, damn.  Why is life so rotten?

it’s like 11am

I’m looking at a dead but.  It’s actually kind of pretty.  And I’m sunbathing.  And I’m wondering why boys are so dumb.  Henry’s already called me today.  Why does he have to be so damned unpredictable?  It’s kind of nice but extremely frustrating.  Hell Mr. Ant.  This station is going to be driving me crazy all day.  Then I’ll have to be getting and and down to change the music.  Why do bugs have to be crawling on me?  I’m not a plant.  Henry just doesn’t make sense at all.  Why do I keep trying to figure him out?  I’m a glutton for punishment.  I don’t want to back to get too much sun.  I don’t like this song.  I think one of my neighbors is home and he can see me from one of his kitchen windows so I can’t take my shorts off for a pair of underwear that look like bikini bottoms.


I think my neighbors think I’m a weirdo.  Should I care?  No, I fuckin’ sunbathing.  I want a car.  Is that too much to ask?  Is that so wrong?

6:24 pm

I hope I’m happy.  I’m very burnt.  Maybe now Henry will feel sorry for me.  Ah, I doubt it.  Supposedly, he might come over tonight.  I’m getting my hopes up again.  Why not, I could use some more heartbreak.  Pretty soon, if I keep putting myself through this, I’ll just give up on love and relationships completely.  He’s doing Confirmation with his nephew (who’s the same age that I am) so he’s at church doing whatever it is they do.

I figured it all out – my landlord and Lori Kwok are related.  Well, actually, they can’t be because they’re from two totally different countries, but they do act alike – laughing for no apparent reason, except that they’re uncomfortable and being awkward with their limbs.  Now, of course, I feel like getting stoned but I can’t ’cause ‘ol Mr. Kawamura is on the premises.  I can see it now:  He comes to the door to tell me not to worry about the check and a huge puff of smoke hits him in the face.  He knows it’s not cigarette smoke but can’t quite place what exactly it is.  So he goes upstairs and asks the very noisy neighbors who never sleep if they could help identify the mysterious smoke.  In the mean time, I’m rushing to get rid of any evidence of illegal drug use and light up a clove.  (I have one in the closet for emergencies like these.)  Then they all come downstairs to try to identify the mysterious smoke.

The way Henry looked stumbling out of the bedroom really depressed me.  It just keeps running through my head.  The look on his face, the way he was stumbling.  He looked very … oblivious, he looked kind of scared too.  Maybe he was.  I hope he was scared enough.  He’s probably on a self-destructive trip right now.  I could help him deal with his feelings – why doesn’t he employ my services?

I have to bake – it’s going to be very hot in here.  Ug.