I’m still so fucking confused – I think – I’m not sure – that he said he likes me for more than a friend.  But — I’m not sure if it was more [Thought – ask him if he likes me like the girls in Duchess De Sade] as in a girlfriend or what – he said later it wouldn’t be as boyfriend/girlfriend so shit, I don’t know.  He said it was more than like Bill or Maury ’cause he wouldn’t ask them out on dates.  So perhaps we’re dating but not exclusively each other (Who do either of us have?).  I guess my problem is about sex.  [Do you like me as a girl?]  Why am I so preoccupied with sex?  ‘Cause I haven’t had any in a long time.  Maybe he thinks I’m thinking about some sort of commitment at this age it would have to be moving in or marriage to be considered a commitment.  Or if we actually love each other.  I don’t love him.  [Ask him if he's talking about love – 'cause I don't plan on falling in love.  I just want to get to know him – all about him – that's just curiosity, not love.  I wish we could just pin it down.  But then he said he thought this would be good because it would open things up.  [Does he mind how things are going right now – or is this how he likes it?]  For other things that is.  Basically the only thing I’m unsure about is the sex thing.  He said he likes to “take things slowly.”  Are the “things” sex?  He didn’t kiss me before he left.  But are we just now starting to “date”?  “Get to know each other better” what?  What the fuck?  If we’re just starting, then that means someone who likes to take things slowly would start the clock over again.  Should I have just asked him if he wanted to kiss me.  Only I’m afraid of the answer.  Shit, I wish I knew.  From the right angle he looks a lot like Richard Greico.  A lot.  So I kept staring at him.  I wish I could breathe.  Now I have the hiccups.  Shit.