Feb. 28, 2010 – 11:17pm
This is moving way too slow. Time is a tickin’. Do you have a facebook or myspace, or can I just get your number?
99% Enemy 0% Friend 0% Match Message from __________

Mar. 1, 2010 – 12:41pm
What, you know when you’re going to die, and it’s soon?  

I’m not sure how Facebook or MySpace would be quicker.  How about my email? [email protected]

 Or YIM: [email protected], or Google: ShazamSF.

Mar. 1, 2010 – 2:01pm
When can I hit that?

Mar. 1, 2010 – 3:01pm

Mar. 1, 2010 – 3:07pm
Yes or no?

Mar. 1, 2010 – 5:55pm
I don’t guarantee sex unless you guarantee cash.

Mar. 1, 2010 – 6:39pm
I don’t pay for that stuff. I get layed.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 3:50am
Well, certainly not for your spelling.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 3:50pm
I spell shit how I want to. I get layed cause I can handle a woman’s touch.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 4:36pm
Still charming.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 5:05pm
Give me you phone number, so we could do this.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 6:35pm
Could do what?

Mar. 2, 2010 – 7:27pm
Fuck each other.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 8:19pm
We could?

Mar. 2, 2010 – 9:02pm
Give me your phone number and I’ll have you on my cock.

Mar. 2, 2010 – 10:59pm
Ooooh, really? I could get that lucky?

Mar. 3, 2010 – 2:21am
Are we gonna do this?

Mar. 3, 2010 – 9:47am
Oh, we’re gonna do it.

Mar. 3, 2010 – 3:03pm
Then, give me your number.

Mar. 3, 2010 – 7:42pm
I’m a 10, baby.

Mar. 3, 2010 – 10:49pm

Mar. 3, 2010 – 11:15pm

Mar. 4, 2010 – 2:09am
Phone number?

Mar. 4, 2010 – 2:27pm
Yeah, give me yours.

[Whereupon he gave me his full name and phone number.  I did not call.  At the end of March he again "winked" at me, the OkCupid term for just saying hi without having to actually say hi.  According to his profile, the two most important things in his life are horses and the Holy Roman Church, so it's unclear why he'd think we'd have anything in common, except that you can see from the above exchange that he doesn't do much more thinking than the horses he trains.  This last time he winked at me I made clear that the only kind of sex I want to have is penis-in-vagina sex.  No, I don't believe that is the only thing that qualifies as sex, and I can think of a very lovely time I had recently wherein the guy's penis did not enter my vagina at all, but I have absolutely no intention of ever hooking up with this guy, who seems to think that all other forms of heterosexual sex is ok so long as the Pope hasn't explicitly forbade it.  I think that's utter bullshit and have no interest in fucking – or having sexual relations of any sort – with a guy who adheres to the letter but not the spirit of his own belief system.]

I swear.  True (lame) story.