The One Where I Reply to Criticism

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These types of posts can be funny, although too much can be wearing to read through. The question that it prompts for me however, is whether you are being fair in mocking some of the approaches you are apparently getting.

I mean your OkCupid profile says that you are interested in meeting in person versus chatting online or talking on the phone, but then you ding guys for suggesting a meeting too quickly.

Your profile also mentions that you are interested in casual sex, but you subsequently put down guys who simply follow up on that by suggesting casual sex.

More to the point however, is that I get the impression that you might not be clear on what you are really looking for. I mean, if all you are really interested in is having a good sexual experience, then why should a person’s casualness when it comes to written expression make any difference?

Given your earlier dating habits I can’t imagine that you are as discriminating in person as you tend to be when interacting with people online, or else your attitude has changed recently and you have decided to be more selective about your sexual partners.

Obviously you can do anything you want, and as I said I enjoy reading these sorts of posts. However, I thought you might want to know the impression that it creates in the minds of some readers.

Yeah, they can be wearing to read, which is the fucking point.  I want to illustrate the bullshit I go through (completely by choice, I admit) reading things that are sent my way.  I’m probably not fair,  but I doubt anyone can be completely impartial as everyone comes with baggage.

I take issue with your use of “apparently.”  There is nothing apparently about the messages I receive.  I have repeatedly made clear that I don’t lie, that I don’t have the memory required for lying (without being a complete ‘tard), and that I lack imagination.  I didn’t make any of this shit up, and if I could I would write more than phony OkCupid come-on lines.  I hope.

I am interested in meeting in person.  I don’t ding anyone for wanting to meet “too” quickly, but I do need to plan ahead.  Sometimes I’m already booked two or more weeks out; I’m willing to schedule and chat/message/text in the mean time.  I take issue with the guys who want to meet and fuck on the initial meeting.  I take issue with guys who think that because we’re meeting we’re fucking.  One of the major reasons I want to meet in person rather than chat is because I’ve had plenty of experiences where the guy and I got along online or on the phone (“Seattle Guy“) very well, but then when we met in person it was clear there was no chemistry.  That means we’ll only fuck on the first date if things go very well.

Yeah, I’m interested in casual sex, as in I want to fuck guys without being their girlfriend or burdened by any other form of commitment.  That does not mean I will fuck anyone who is willing to fuck me.  “Casual sex” does not mean “indiscriminate.”  I need to meet the guys in order to figure out if I want to have casual sex with them.  I have a problem with the guys who think because I’m interested in casual sex at all that I must be interested in casual sex with anyone.

I don’t deny that my “standards,” such as they are, seem arbitrary.  From one day to the next what I want may change based on my mood, my whims, the level of idiocy of the messages I get, etc.  Not my hormones, as those don’t fluctuate all that much.  So it is possible that I may not be clear on what it is I’m looking for, other than guys with whom I get along and whom I want to fuck.  It’s both that simple and that complicated.

What is also both simple and complicated is the manner in which I weed guys out.  As a woman willing to have casual sex, I receive a lot of messages from people, mostly men.  I need easy ways to thin the herd.  It could be that they must be at least a certain height.  Or that they have a certain eye color.  I choose that they must use proper grammar and spelling and they can’t have stupid user names, among others.

I would say I’m only pickier insofar as I don’t want to put up with the bullshit I put up with when I wasn’t so picky.  I let some very questionable people into my home, something I’m not willing to do now that I live with someone.  Rest assured, however, that my standards were the same then as now, but then I was more willing to compromise.  I now live with a great guy who will fuck me any time I want so there’s no need for compromise.

Isn’t the Internet nice in that we no longer think we’re the only one to experience anything?

I swear.  True story.

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2 Responses to The One Where I Reply to Criticism

  1. anoncoward says:

    Obviously no offense was intended and I am glad that you were able to get a post out of my comment (I was hoping that would be the case).

    Here’s a thought however: How about just listing your FetLife profile name in your OkCupid profile and then requiring all interested persons to message you via FetLife? It seems to me that most persons you would be compatible with would have a FetLife profile, and by giving them an assignment you would automatically be weeding out the lazy and/or incompetent.

  2. ShazamChi says:

    Thanks for the material. Nice of a reader to do his (b/c I’m pretty sure you’re a he) part to make my life easier.

    If I listed my FetLife profile on my OkCupid profile I would be creating a whole new set of problems on top of the ones I already have with OkC. I’m not that “active” on FetLife; I’m about as active there as I am on Facebook. In both cases, I just can’t bring myself to care so much about the minutia of other peoples’ lives, whether those lives are literally bound, or bound up in “family,” or both.

    If I referred folks to FetLife then I’d have to deal w/guys who not only assumed we’d fuck on the first date, but who assumed I’d peg ‘em on the first date, or they could fist me on the first date, or cockgag me on the first date, or tie me up on the first date, or any number of other things that I not only will not do on a first date, but probably won’t do, ever, with any particular individual. Because of that, I prefer my OkC dates not see my FetLife profile for the most part.

    Thank you for the suggestion, but I’m going to stick to the problems I know rather than create new ones I’ve yet to encounter.

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