(Not So) Winning Opening Lines (Again x 8)

Are you not interested in meeting up soon?

I’ve decided I really don’t like it when people seem too familiar with me.  This guy was all of a 34% match with me and he decided that we should meet?

Yea. send me s txt 859 630 8329 and we’ll set up a time to get together, have dinner and see a movie.

A first meeting of dinner and a movie.  Boring as shit.  And cliché.  Having to spend hours with some dude I probably won’t like sounds fucking horrible.  But there was no good reason to meet the guy; our rapport was nonexistent.

come over, fool around and fuck

lay back and let my thick, warm, long tongue lick your pussy while my hand rubs your clit. how does that sound?

I live off grace and halsted, by the ihop in boystown.

Gross!  And what is up with guys on OkCupid giving me their phone numbers and locations?  I assured him that his proposition did not sound good at all.

not interested in meeting up with me and fucking?

Some guys are so fucking clueless.

Love your swallows shirt :) :)

Do any of them actually think that’s original?  I got another message from the same guy.

Dang girl — been reading your questions -
You might be as horny as I am …..
You interested in trading pics ?

Bob’s user name had “fupa” in it.  That makes me think FUPA, fat upper pussy area, which is not a pleasant thought at all.  But Bob’s user name wasn’t his only problem.  He lived in the burbs.  He wanted to trade pictures.  That would mean I would receive shots of a 53-year-old’s saggy balls.  No thanks.

Hiya, I came across your profile on my matches page and well wow, needless to say… very impressive !! I read your profile and for what its worth, your pretty much what I’m looking for…..(ya know, what you can actually pull out of an online profile anyway). So what exactly are you on here looking for…..friend, friend w/ benefits, relationship, or something else ?? Well, I won’t bore you with a long drawn out email here, so I guess check out my profile if you want and see if we click. Hopefully I’ll be getting a message back from you soon !!!

I felt it was my duty to give the little fucker some advice.  “You didn’t really read my profile or you wouldn’t have sent a message that has 1) run-on sentences, 2) the wrong it’s/its AND the wrong your/you’re, and 3) its sender living in any place other than the city of Chicago.”

Haha, I love your profile, but please move “chick or dude and a chick” to the top somewhere so other people don’t experience that disappointing moment of “oh, damn, I’m a just a single dude.” I feel like the referee of fun internet relations just shouted “disqualified!” after I already walked onto the court.

Guys do hate it to be pre-rejected.  I let him know that individual guys were free to apply.  We exchanged FetLife user names.  His profile there was pretty average with a fetish list heavy on anal.  He had a few pictures including a full frontal nude one and some of his tattoo sleeve.  None of the pictures were of high photographic quality.  I let him know that being into all things anal was not all that crazy.

haha, I’m into it both ways, but yes, sadly, it is no longer even remotely unique to be a guy really into ass play.

I have to run from work, but i had a really intense masturbation session involving myself, my fingers, my ass, and eventually, an 8″ thick dildo. Yesterday actually.

How the fuck was I supposed to respond to that?  I like that he was included in his masturbation session – it was nice of him to invite him.  Why would I care what size dildo he had in his ass and when?  I congratulated him, because he seemed to need some sort of acknowledgement.

I swear.  True story.

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One Response to (Not So) Winning Opening Lines (Again x 8)

  1. anoncoward says:

    These types of posts can be funny, although too much can be wearing to read through. The question that it prompts for me however, is whether you are being fair in mocking some of the approaches you are apparently getting.

    I mean your OkCupid profile says that you are interested in meeting in person versus chatting online or talking on the phone, but then you ding guys for suggesting a meeting too quickly.

    Your profile also mentions that you are interested in casual sex, but you subsequently put down guys who simply follow up on that by suggesting casual sex.

    More to the point however, is that I get the impression that you might not be clear on what you are really looking for. I mean, if all you are really interested in is having a good sexual experience, then why should a person’s casualness when it comes to written expression make any difference?

    Given your earlier dating habits I can’t imagine that you are as discriminating in person as you tend to be when interacting with people online, or else your attitude has changed recently and you have decided to be more selective about your sexual partners.

    Obviously you can do anything you want, and as I said I enjoy reading these sorts of posts. However, I thought you might want to know the impression that it creates in the minds of some readers.

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