I like getting pedicures.  It’s so pleasant to sit and relax while someone makes my feet pretty.  Also, I do a shitty job of giving myself pedicures.

I recently discovered lost my pedicure mojo.  I used to do a decent job on my toes.  I have all the proper tools and quite a few bottles of nail polish, so when I saw my friend Ramona do her toes beautifully, I figured I could do the same to my own.

I soaked my feet in soapy water, pumiced my rough bits, removed my old polish, pushed back the cuticles, and painted.  I was sure to put a towel between my feet and my couch for protection.  Apparently my hands are not too steady because the polish went all over not only my toe nails, but also my toes.  Polish comes off skin easily after it’s dried so I didn’t think it was too, too tragic.

What was tragic, and what I didn’t notice until the next day, was that after my pedicure I smeared the polish on my toe nails on my couch.  My couch.  I love my couch.  I got it in the breakup with the Ex and feel I lucked out.  Now that there’s wireless internet in the place I use my couch as my desk.

My toes looked bad and I had nail polish on my couch; clearly I should not give myself pedicures.  I made an appointment at the Barber Lounge for a proper pedicure.  Above is the result of said pedicure.

I not only like getting my feet pampered, but I like that the Viking likes my feet.  I don’t have particularly nice feet; they’re flat and wide and not well suited for sexy shoes, but the Viking likes them anyway.  I particularly like it when he sucks on my toes while he’s fucking me.

What’s really nice is that when he comes home he’ll be nice enough to do that to me, over there on the left.

I swear.  True story.