At least that’s what a guy I didn’t want to fuck and a guy with whom I got into a fight on the 14 (Muni) say.

The guy I didn’t want to fuck: He responded to a Craig’s List ad I’d placed. I forget the content of the ad. What I recall is that he wanted to fuck right away. I wanted to meet and see how the chemistry was before I agreed/promised to fuck him. He became pushy, telling me when he had free time so we could fuck.  It was annoying.

Eventually I agreed to meet him at Precita Park.  I was there with Isis anyway; I wasn’t too inconvenienced.  The guy was nice enough.  He looked like a typical tattooed San Franciscan.  We talked about our dogs; he had a puppy that he didn’t bring to the park.  We had a pretty interesting conversation about gender, sexuality, and transgenderism.

We parted ways after I went to the post office to see if perhaps the phone sex company had paid me; they hadn’t.  We shook hands upon parting.  I texted him that I wouldn’t mind getting to know each other better over a drink or two.  He texted me that he’d rather get to know me better at his place.  Uh, ok.

He kept shooting down my “offers” to do something together other than fuck.  I was still not sure if I even wanted to fuck the guy, but thought that over a few drinks there was the possibility I could be charmed by him.

Finally, he texted that he was, “Not much into dating.  I’m a loner.”  I informed him that I have no interest in a boyfriend, only to be taken out a bit before the fucking commences.

Taking someone out was something he reserved for people with whom he wanted a relationship; he held out on “that stuff” like some do with sex.  He’s weird about doing “that stuff.”  That’s fine, but I don’t share my pussy with people who are weird about doing “that stuff” and I expect to be treated with some respect.

I completely understand.  Not my intentions to be disrespectful.  I am just weird about that stuff.

I texted something along the lines of, “You must not get laid much.”  It was a joke.  I had most definitely already determined that I wouldn’t be fucking this guy.

He responded:

I have no problem getting laid.  Also don’t take this the wrong way but sending a photo of a guy fucking you is hot but does not really ask for respect.

I told him that liking to fuck is not disrespectful and that he was uptight.

Nor does relating a story of picking a guy up from a bar and then fucking him with your friend.  Again hot but not really beckoning respect.  Just sayin not judgi

Of course he was judging me.  He was all but saying that because I like to fuck and am not ashamed I don’t deserve the respect of being taken out for a drink.  Asshole.  By the way, I’m not sure to which story he was referring, but it does sound hot.

Wait.  I thought this was about me just wanting to fuck you and play with you?

I informed him that there would be no fucking, ever.

Sorry to hear that.  I am just being honest with you.  Sorry if it is not what you are seeking.  You are a pretty fascinating lady.  Sorry it won’t work out.

This pissed me off.  I am never seeking a guy who thinks I’m shitty because I like to fuck.  I forget what I texted, but whatever it was must’ve gotten under his skin.

Or maybe its that I am not really interested enough in you to put forth any effort.

Nice, huh?  I responded that I hoped it made him feel good to insult me.

Hah.  I think you took the first jabs.  Lose my number.  You are crazy.

Perhaps he knew that being called crazy is something most ladies do not appreciate.  I told him that I never insulted him, and that he can’t be both fascinated with and disinterested in me.

Nonetheless, I was not in the best of moods.  The entire text exchange, above, took place while I was on the 14 Mission bus.  I’d gotten a seat, which is a coup, and was minding my own business texting and listening to a podcast (Distorted View).

My headphones (earbuds, but I hate that term) were starting to fuck up.  Most of what I was hearing was coming through to my right ear only.  It was annoying.  And this guy who was freaked out by female-to-male transsexuals because he felt he had to prove himself as a “man” was calling me crazy?

Then I heard something.  The ass in the seat right behind me was listening to some shitty music.  Without headphones.  I turned my podcast off to be sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing.  I turned around and gave the guy a look.

A look that said, “You’re not playing music on the bus so everyone can hear, are you?”  His sheepish look and subsequent stopping of the music said, “I know I shouldn’t be doing it but I really dig this song so I couldn’t help myself.”

But then he turned the music back on.  I couldn’t fucking take it.  I told him that no one wanted to hear his shitty music.  We then got into a fight.  He said I needed a boyfriend to fuck me so I wasn’t so bitchy.  He said that if he were a girl he’d kick my ass.  He took issue with the way I told him to stop playing his “music.”

I asserted that I shouldn’t have to had to ask him to do shit, that it’s fucking rude to play music on the bus so he shouldn’t fucking do it.  Every time I turned back around he said either “bitch” or “fucking bitch” under his breath.  His friend calmed him down.  Another bus rider said something to him that sounded like it could have been supportive.

I realized that I was not going to get off the bus for several more blocks (our altercation happened around 11th Street and I didn’t need to get off until 3rd Street) and that this guy was sitting directly behind me.  I was worried he’d fuck with my hair.  I had ideas of spit wads in my hair until he got off the bus without another word to me.

What I found particularly comical was that he thought the only way I could get a proper fucking was to have a boyfriend.  Silly, I get fucked way more than most women with boyfriends.  If I had a boyfriend with whom I was (trying to be) monogamous I’d be much bitchier because I’d be looking to only one person to satisfy me.

That night I went to my favorite dive bar.  Before I knew it a really cute guy was talking to me.  He was so fucking cute.  At one point he went to the bathroom and I was convinced he’d left.  No way was someone that hot actually seriously flirting with me.

Only he came back.  And we walked to my building.  And we went to the roof of my building.  And he came in my mouth.  And he looked at me with that face.

Yeah, I’m a crazy bitch.  A crazy bitch who fucks whom I want where I want when I want.

I swear.  True story.

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