7:04 pm

On a plane again.  Looking out at the pretty blue lights.  Wish I could fly into [the tiny airport of the shit town I lived while in high school] to make things easier.  I could walk home.  I want to call Amy’s tonight because New Year’s Eve is n time to be alone.  But will they be home and will they want to talk to me.  Now Dad wants me to bring other friends home.  The man is never satisfied.  I want to move out now.  But I’ll just have to be patient until I graduate and get someone to move with me.  Today is the last day to write 1989.  It will, in 5 hours, be 1990.  Wow.  Graduation, moving out, hopefully, kicking shit around for a while to see what the hell I’m gonna do with my life.  I’m not just living for today, I am thinking fo the future.  I just need companionship and then I’ll be happy.  I want my drink now so I can eat my little sandwich that has hot mustard in it.  I think I’m going to die.  The plane is going to crash, I just know it.  I’m too inexperienced to die.  then my diary would be read, my parents would know about my private life and no one would bury me correctly.  I Suzanne Elizabeth White, being of sound mind and body (well, close enough to sound) do hereby declare this to be my last will and testament.  (Do I have to have a lawyer?)  [Not in California.]  I have no worldly possessions save my clothes ([Step-Sister] can have them, what she doesn’t want goes to any friends who do.), my tapes, ([Step-Sister] can have the ones she wants the rest to friends–by friend I mean anyone who has actually been to my house and I speak to regularly–Mary, Kristen, Erica, Amy, Juree–not Jill, Heather, Krystal, or any other simple acquaintances.) my stereo is on its last leg anyway so I don’t care who gets that, my Rocky Horror Picture Show poster goes to Kristen (she was with me when I got it and took me my 1st time in Sac., 2nd time altogether).  I want anything else to go to charity and if anyone fights over anything or two people want one thing, it goes to a thrift shop to be sold to someone with whom I have absolutely no acquaintance.  I would like to be buried in a pine box in a field somewhere.  Plywood would be alright also.  I do not want an expensive coffin–I won’t be able to enjoy it, I’ll be dead–and I don’t want a plot at a cemetery–that’s dumb to waste space like that.  I want no funeral or burial service because there is no point in wasting live people’s time or money.  I don’t want my body dressed up fancy–what I have on’ll do quite nicely.  Above all, no money should be spent on a dead body.  I want my parents to know that I did appreciate them even if they didn’t like the way I showed my appreciation.  I just had to be myself to try to find out what was going on inside me.  DJ should know I love her an haven’t lost all respect for her.  Her guidance was good.  I don’t want anyone to miss me.  Know that I always did what I wanted to do and did not let others pull me down.  I’m dead, gone, happy that I won’t have to worry about my future or have others worry about me.  Be mellow, let things happen because there is a reason for everything–there will always be a satisfactory ending.

Just love me please.  [signed--Suzanne White] 12/31/89, 8:00 pm


That is a valid will under California law.  I should probably do another considering that Rocky Horror Picture Show poster has perished, I now have only a few cassette tapes for nostalgic purposes, the only people who were named in the will whom I still know are family and Erica, and that despite my wishes, burying me would cost someone(s) a lot of money