11:03 pm

New year, yippee, skippee!  Yesterday at school neither Amy nor Erica were there.  I had called Amy’s house New Year’s Eve and neither of them were there.  Amy at work then to a party and Erica visiting her father.  After school Erica called from work and came over before her shift actually started.  She was, for once, wearing jeans that actually fit.  Oh gee, did she look good.  She told me that Amy and Juree are a “thing” now.  At first that didn’t bother me but now I’m kind of mad.  Erica moved out of Amy’s so now they aren’t on very good terms.  It pisses me off that something as unimportant as sex would totally screw  up a good friendship.  Juree broke up w/Erica because she wasn’t sexual enough.  Juree had already told me that she was quite attracted to Amy so it’s obvious she broke up to get some new pussy.  (Pardon the vulgarity, but that seems, to me, to be all it is.)  As soon as Erica went down to LA they probably went at it.  Hell, they were probably “going at it” when she was still on the bus, why waste time?  Yeah, sex is fun and feels good and is all I want to do when I’m alone with someone (especially Erica right now, not right now this minute but right now this point in my life) but it shouldn’t rule someone’s life.  Thinking w/ovaries is sometimes overdone.  So Erica is depressed and tells me never to fall in love (today at lunch in the library) so obviously getting over or through or whatever Juree is going to take a while.  We haven’t really had a chance to talk about the two of us yet but I think we need to.  We just tease and talk in code at school because what else can we do?  Got my senior key today.  Put it on the chain around my waist.  Maybe if I had never gone to LA none of this would have happened or if I never invited Erica.  (That’s why Amy was always rankin’ on Erica, she felt guilty about wanting her girlfriend and tried to push her away to make it seem like not as big of a deal.)  It pisses me off that I can’t tell people what kind of fun I had over vacation but I guess that’s the price I pay.  While with Erica at lunch today Curtis came up to us to talk and I said something about a hickey and told him where I got them.  Erica was laughing so hard she had to look the other way.  I still have slight yellowing nine days later.  I’ll show her tomorrow, she’ll get a kick out of it.  Amy wasn’t at school again today.  Did she die?  Are Juree and she locked off somewhere in sexual bliss?  Have I had an orgasm or not?  I think I have because my body had the spasmotic [id.] jerks but they didn’t suddenly stop (she stopped before I had a chance to).  I suppose I’ll just have to keep trying.  Erica and I need to talk (she got her handcuffs back, will have to try them) about how we feel.  The four of us have to talk because we all need to at least be acquaintance friends.  I tried to talk to Mr. H yesterday but Carrie was in the room so we shook hands to talk today.  I was in there at the beginning of tutorial today but Andrea was in there for a yearbook interview.  So then class time was spent testing people and after class I have a class and there were also other people in there so I told Mr. H that because he hasn’t talked to me I’m going to kill myself and he told me not to do it messily.  I need to know that it’s alright and he won’t think me totally deranged.  Maybe right now I’m just experimenting.  But I don’t know too many other people who think it’s alright much less would try it.  But many a time I have felt like just springing it on my lifeskills class to see their reactions.  But then again maybe not.

11:54 pm