July 4, 1991: A Diary Entry

12:32 A.M.

I don’t think I have a right to be this happy.  I’m overwhelmed.  He said he couldn’t get me out of his head.  That’s not all.  God, I I deserve this?  I feel so good.  And it will end soon.  But I can enjoy for now. He moved out when he was sixteen – I didn’t know that.  There’s a lot about him I don’t know but I’m going to learn eventually.  He said he thought I was “a babe” the first time he saw me.  That’s so sweet.  And he likes my body.  He says I’m in good shape – yep, we’ll keep the illusion until I actually am.  He has a cold and sore throat so his voice was all scratchy and he sounded quite different than usual.  And the conversation we had was different too.  Is this right?  Everything has gone how I’ve wanted it to – that in itself seems so strange to me.  I just realized that it might seem as though he came over.  He did not.  His car broke down.  I’m hungry.  He talked about his father – in the present tense.  I didn’t know what to do or what to say so I said nothing.  Someday we’ll talk about it but I have to be ready too.

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