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Was thinking that KC must not get in front of the mirror until after she’s dressed ’cause her bra’s always twisted and her tits sag so much.  But then to make up for it she spends a lot in front of it when she’s dresed.  She’s always wearing – always – the silver teddy bear pin – I think usually on her – shit now I can’t even think of what side it is – maybe both equally.  Anyway she’s always wearing it.  And shit it’s sad ’cause she tells me about this stuff cause she thinks I care when actually I just don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t give a fuck.

She doesn’t wear much makeup but some days are worse than others the

Fuck I wish I could write as fast as I think ’cause I am being especially brilliant and witty in my ideas and theories.  But I get tired of writing.  I got to the KC think via rings by I don’t really wear that many anymore and never the way KC does – gold with silver and I’ve seen as many as gosh three or four per finger and she wears quite a few necklaces too most of those are gold though.  I have to think and thought and write it down quick before I either get distracted or forget like in that very thought I think as I write I can’t help it if I think a lot.  Does everyone think this much?  All the commotion in your head.  Yest it moves up there when you think/I was trying to figure out/fuck see – the radio how they very rarely tink/Erica and her damn depression/why I put that line there when I didn’t need to and it distracted me/fuck now I’m thinking I’m only thinking so I’ll have something to write/do my friends get embarrased when I talk about my ex being female

10:21 PM

I think Henry’s out with another girl ’cause when I called him he said we was gonna go get something to eat.  It’s been a while though.  Laura’s gonna get more action ’cause Jeff’s in town.  That’s one of her many exes.  She’ll probably have sex with him.  I think the acid’s kicking in.  Yep.  Vidal got it from a friend and gave it to me.  He said there was no money exchange but I know there was cause I saw it.  Maybe I shouldn’t be alone but I am and I can’t do anything.

Laura’s gonna get laid – no fair.  Henry has not had the phone ringing. He’s out with someone else.  He hates me.

No one is home.  Damn.  Why isn’t Henry calling me?

11:45 PM

Fuck he hasn’t called.  Beth says he’s asleep.  I say he’s found another girl.  He always uses a food excuse.  Fuck I did something so now he doesn’t want to talk to me what did I do?  How can I fix it?  He hasn’t talked to me all day today.  Fuck maybe I’ll fuck he hates me I just know it.  What did I do wrong this time.  Maybe I shouldn’t have been so pushy maybe I shouldn’t have assumed that because he kissed me one night when he was buz (one or two z’s) doesn’t mean he would ever want to kiss scummy me again.  Saw Madonna Truth or Dare today it was actually pretty good and quite sexy too and the part where two guys kissed was HOT!  And Madonna gave head to a bottle and I’m not a guy so the actual act didn’t turn me on but I want to learn how to do that she totally had the damn thing down her fucking throat.  And people said she was vulgar w/her language and stuff but she was just human, like everyone else.  Fuck someone might think I’m angry from my writing but I’m not I’m just writing very fast.  Why can’t I just get something out of Henry?  It seems as though I will never have sex or kiss anyone again.  Shit.  Now I’m trying to write neat but it still looks like shit.  What did I do wrong?  Of course I won’t call him now two rejections was enough thank you but now he won’t call me for a long time even though everything looks neat I could still go to sleep but I haven’t showered yesterday or today and I need to shave but I probably couldn’t if I wanted to but I do.  I think I could sleep if I just don’t think yea right he hates me I hate KROQ who says it’s world famous how do they know who did they ask.  Erica said KWOD 106 went alternative cool I guess I’ll have some thing to listen to.  Erica does about herself a lot.  Shit she calls me to tell me about herself not to find out about me no she just loves the questions I ask she eats up my manners.  I should’ve said I had to go and I’d talk to her later, maybe.  It always ends up that she has to go – she doesn’t just go for the fuck of it just get going she has to have a big commotion.  I don’t want to think about her I seem to be doing it a lot anyway.

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