Wed 14 Apr 2010

You Call That Advice? (Part 5)

Posted by shazamsf under True Story., advice, moron
No Comments

[Continued from "You Call That Advice? (Part 4)."]

From: S M <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Really?
To: John
Date: Monday, April 5, 2010, 2:56 AM

John,

While I’m certainly not happy that you were victimized by the Catholic Church, I don’t think that you were has anything to do with the discussion we’re having.  We’re talking about giving advice based not on logic or reason, but on your own assumptions about how the world – and the people within it – works.

Of course one has to have a moral code, however to say, for example, that abortion is never right, doesn’t take into consideration some real, and messed-up, things that happen in the world.  As a survivor of sexual abuse I would expect you to have sympathy.  What if the abuse you suffered resulted in a pregnancy?  Would you want to carry the child of your abuser?  Would you want to suffer not only the original violation, but also the violation of an unwanted and forced pregnancy? Isn’t that inability to choose further victimization?

I don’t think age makes someone either irrelevant or wise, I do think one’s way of thinking can do both.  Just having a few years behind you does not grant you special status.  Whether you would be revered only for your age in other cultures is not relevant, and I find it comical that you bring that up considering you seem to not be able to take into account cultures other than our own privileged American one.

Again, your personality type is not relevant.  Neither is your sexual past, nor your age.  What is relevant is that you give advice based on all these things without taking into consideration that people are not like you, that your experience of the world is not the only one, and that making sweeping assumptions is not conducive to actually helping people.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel

_______________
Hey Suzanne:

I am not as naive or as self centered as you take me for. I have worked extensively with groups who work with pregnant women.  Let us take for example rape.  It is a horrible experience.  The presumption is that people want to make the woman clean and whole from the rape so of course she should have an abortion.  The reality is that an abortion will not make her unraped.  It won’t erase the memory or the experience.  The abortion simply victimizes her all over again.  She is put into a clinic that is nothing more than a factory.  She is forced to get naked with nothing more than a gown and place her feet in stirrups and legs spread wide apart, her uterus is stretched and a cannula with a currette is inserted in her uterus and she has to listen to the scream of the suction machine and the slurping sounds that it makes as it sucks out pieces of baby.  All you do is add guilt to her, guilt that lasts for years.

I would counsel women who have been raped to have the baby and give it up for adoption. In this way, she can reclaim ownership of her body and good can come from bad circumstances that happened to her.  She can know that there is a loving couple who will love this baby uncondtiionally.

We live in a society that grants women the power of God and the old roman emperor, who held a thumb up or a thumb down for the gladiator to live or to die.  If a woman wants an abortion, then it is not a baby.  If she wants the baby and a car hits her and she loses the baby, then the person who hit her is charged with vehicular manslaughter.  The twelve year old boy who shot his pregnant step mother is being charged witih double murder.  This is schizophrenic.  It is the woman who decides whether it is a baby or not.

I call them like I see them.  A lot of women have thanked me for my advice.

It is certainly your right to disagree with my advice. I disagree with your approach as well.  I am much more a hands on kind of clinician than the hands off type of clinician where anything goes.  Tradtional marriage counselors have a 75% failure rate. Coaches have a 75% success rate.

Best Wishes
John

_______________
From: S M <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Really?
To: John
Date: Monday, April 5, 2010, 3:55 AM

I will write more later, as it truly makes me weary to have to explain fundamentals such as the fact that you cannot understand what it’s like to be pregnant since it is impossible for you to be so.  If someone chooses something of her free will then she is not victimized.
_______________
Hey Suzanne:

I have had 5 kids and two of them daughters.  I understand pregnancy better than you think.  I also went to nursing school as well.

So often women don’t choose willingly.  They are pressured into the abortion decision.  This includes so called counseling at the abortion mill.
These women are not given informed consent. They are subjected to a very one sided view.

As I said, I can’t control people’s lives, they are free to choose or reject my advice as they see fit.

Best wishes
John

[Yes, dear god, there is more.]

I swear.  True story.

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Tue 13 Apr 2010

Jade (Part 1)

Posted by shazamsf under fantasy, guest writer
1 Comment

[Another submission from a guest writer.  Kind of written in a noir-esque style.]

The Starbucks umbrellas were in the down position like a pair of hard cocks sticking up into the soft warm afternoon. Parking lot pretties were legging around between lattes and sales at some of the more ritzy shops around the suburban Beemerville Mall. Which was only slanged as such due to the amount of German tin that lined the stalls like prayer beads on a nun’s rosary.

I had seen her a few times as she swayed her gift bags across the parking lot. A rack of tits that made enough shade to hide my erection any time.  A round, sweet heart-shaped ass that made her skirts dance to the erotic rhythm of her striding.  Usually bare thighs.

She looked 30ish but I suspected more 40s since her poise was mature and not the typical scatterbrained fuck-me-because-I’m-pretty.  As usual, she was on her cell when she opened her car door.  Fortunately for me, she was parked in that perfect spot where as she stepped out with one leg, I got to view some thigh and as my eyes hurried a prayer that she would forget to be a lady as she exited, I found myself wondering those typical man wonderings about how she might be in bed.

She was involved in discussion and sat for long lovely minutes as I ogled her sculpted dancer calf and subtle sculpted knee and the tan temptation of just enough thigh to make me adjust my package.

I imagined her married to money and being that trophy wife that made every man stare.  I could see her at dinner with her heavy breasts peeking from her neckline and some dark-skinned young waiter throbbing in his slacks wanting to bury his face in her bosom. I could imagine her in short see-through lingerie too, pouncing on her hubby’s hard cock and using it like a dildo until his foreskin was worn smooth and sore.

Her smile was proper and distant as she walked closer. She had that “I see you but don’t see you” kind of nod as her perfume unzipped my jeans and pulled out my cock.

Her eyes were deep green like jade with secrets and as I glanced at the other males sitting around, I noticed that they were gang banging her at random in their minds and the obvious bulges of man meat would have been noticeable to her if she had bothered to looked.

Healing of a lust ache happens in strange ways and at strange times. I was midway through a whispered “oh fuck me” moan when she uttered her unintentional greeting.

“Oh shit, damn” and quickly her body was sailing away from me in a angry jaunty stride that made me wonder if she had read my mind.

She walked back to her car and looked in the drivers window just before stomping her foot and pushing her hands onto her hips.  A quick look around and then a noticeable pout appeared on that sexy “suck your cock” mouth as she turned again and walked wickedly angry back toward me.

She met my eyes this time. More of a fearful and embarrassed glance but somehow pleading for salvation which I was alert enough to offer before other willing wolves could respond.

“Locked your keys in the car?” I suggested slyly as I let my eyes slip up and down over her tits and then down the front of her dress as if trying to find a way under and inside.

“Yes, damn” she pouted as she gave me just enough time to slip a tongue tip solution into her panic.

“Relax, I can help you … grab your coffee or whatever and it will be unlocked before you are done drinking it,” I offered as I stood and opened the bistro door for her.

“Umm how, I can’t … ummm really? She stammered softly as she became quickly obedient but still with noticeable caution in her eyes.

She glanced my way several times as she was waiting for her drink to be blended. I spoke to the Triple A lady in expert terms and explained how I was driving a friend’s car and had left my keys inside. I gave the location and plate number while staring at the soft round “fuck me doggy style” bottom of the owner.

As she walked back up to me, my eyes went to her breasts again and this time the lights were on enough to make her cross one arm over them. She seemed to feel my thoughts and as she waited for some assurances regarding her plight.  She seemed instantly approachable. Just a woman who feels good being a woman … perhaps … and then that ring on her finger that said she was a possession, at least partly.  The diamond would hurt anywhere it got too close to so my mental image of her handling my cock while she mouthed it into submission soon subsided.

I had just found out her name, Jade, and shared mine with her and had witnessed those goddess limbs as they crossed snugly together in front of me, when the tow guy arrived. I almost cursed him under my breath as she jumped up and started out in his direction.

[To be continued ….]

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Mon 12 Apr 2010

You Call That Advice? (Part 4)

Posted by shazamsf under True Story., advice, moron
[3] Comments

[Continued from "You Call That Advice? (Part 3)."]

From: John
To: S M <[email protected]>
Sent: Sun, April 4, 2010 2:58:56 PM
Subject: Re: Really?

Hey Suzanne:

I find it amusing that you take the tack that since Carrie Prejean is not living a perfect Christian life, that she has no right to an opinion and she is therefore fair game for vicious attacks.  It sounds like you are being supportive of Perez Hilton’s highly sexist and misogynistic attack.  But since he is one of the girls apparently it is okay with you.  I would hope that this not the case.

As to underage girls claiming to be much older.  I have known of dozens of such instances a couple in my own family.  One young man was going to be tried for statutory rape becuase he believed the girl.  Fortunately the defense lawyer brought up her faceook page claiming that she was 19 rather than the 13 she actually was.  I used to work in the pro life movement and there were a lot of girls who deliberately got pregnant.

You seemed to take the tack that girls are completely innocent and guys are the evil ones.

As to promiscuous sex and sex without a relationship, my advice more closely follows mainstream clinicians advice than does yours, so I am not going to change my views on this.  Our advice is just that, people can accept it or reject it.  You are free to disagree with my advice online and people can decide what if any advice that they want to take.

I refuse to give advice contrary to my my moral compass and values. Whenever my advice could be considered inflammatory, I with hold that advice as you have seen with the same sex marriage problems.  I give the best advice that I know how and you are certainly entitled to your opinion and differ with me.  If we all gave the same advice then he would not need multiple advice givers on the site.  I would always give advice not to have an abortion and I am quite sure that would cause you to become livid with my advice.  But I won’t vary from that either.  We will have to agree to disagree.  But please feel free to challenge me, because the Bible says that like iron sharpens iron so a brother can do also, in your case a sister.

Best Wishes
John

_______________

From: S M <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Really?
To: John
Date: Sunday, April 4, 2010, 10:37 PM

John,

You are once again reading into my words things that are simply not there.  I did not say that Ms. Prejean or anyone else is not entitled to her opinion.  I did say that the basis for her opinion, the teachings of the Bible, is a flawed foundation, and that if she’s going to claim to be a Christian with “higher” moral values than non-Christians, then she should walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

If you notice, I did not address Perez Hilton and his treatment of Ms. Prejean AT ALL.  Are you reading what I’m writing, or just reading into what I’m writing?  I’m not sure how not writing anything about Perez Hilton can be interpreted as support of his behavior.

Of course there are SOME underage girls who claim to be the age of majority.  And of course there are some girls/women who deliberately get pregnant when a pregnancy is ill-advised.  However, anecdotal evidence is just that, anecdotal.  Because something has happened before does not mean it will happen again, and it certainly does not mean it will happen every time.

Again, you are making assumptions about my opinions based on something that I’ve simply not written.  I NEVER said girls are innocent and guys are evil.  I don’t characterize people – male or female – as evil, ever.  Everyone has the capacity for good and bad, and everything in between.  Men and women, boys and girls, can be victims as well as victimizers.

Enjoying sex for the sake of enjoying sex does not imply promiscuity, and promiscuity is not necessarily a “bad” thing.  Sexually active people should be aware of the risks and benefits of their behavior and act accordingly, with respect for themselves and others.  I understand that your own opinions are based on your beliefs that sexuality unless within the confines of a committed heterosexual relationship is wrong, and I’m certainly not trying to change your mind, but you should understand that yours isn’t the only way to think/live.

Of course I did not suggest you give advice contrary to your opinion.  What I suggested is that you not jump to conclusions about infidelity, etc., based on the little information given in the questions.  Just because someone has a job at a gym and is simultaneously acting like an ass to his girlfriend does not mean he is enjoying the attention of multiple other ladies.  And enjoying attention from people not one’s mate does not make a person “bad.”

I’m not even going to touch that you would “always” advise against abortion.  The world is not quite so black and white.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel

_______________
Hey Suzanne:

In case you missed it, I was doing clairificatioin.  I said that it sounded like you were taking a position, not that you were taking that position. I was reacting to your feelings and responding with my interpretation of what it sounded like you were inferring.

As a man, I will always respond differently than you will.  I recognize patterns.  The young lady stated that her boyfriend had been previously loving and attentive.  Now that he had a job at the gym he was ignoring her and treating her badly.  He is in a postion to be hit on by a lot of women and that was my assesment for why he was being crappy to his girlfriend when he had previously been loving and attentive.  That is my call and I stand by it.

We don’t have the option of getting in depth intake, we have the limited one sided description of the person’s opinion of the facts.  We are asked to give our advice based upon that and I do.  People are free to accept it or reject it as they choose.  It is free advice on a free site.

Are there exceptions to the rule, of course there are.  I am speaking to the majority out there.  The majority of people do better having sex in a committed relationship.

As to Carrie Prejean not living the walk, we are all hypocrites and we are all sinners according to the bible.  We are all at various stages of spiritual maturity.  Just because she is not a perfect christian should not open her up for the vicious attacks.  You came across as she got what she had coming because she did not meet up with your standards of spiritual maturity and therefore she had no business answering as she did.  Perez Hilton deliberately asked the question so that he could ellicit the answer that he wanted so that he could launch his hate speech attack.  I am frankly mortified at your take on that issue.  No one, especially a young woman should have been slandered in the way that he did.  As I said, she answered in the same way that Obama would but I don’t see you attacking him, but maybe it is because he is politiclaly correct.

Best wishes
John

[To be continued.  The guy's a fucking idiot.]

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Sun 11 Apr 2010

TT, Part 1

Posted by shazamsf under True Story.
1 Comment

I met TT through America On Line.  You kids may not remember, back in the early 1990s when the people who had internet access had very slow dial-up modems that utilized their land line phone lines.  The modem called a certain phone number, from which internet access was gained.  Oftentimes the certain phone number was long distance, for which the phone company charged by the minute.  But even if the number called was not long distance, AOL charged by the minute for the privilege of using their service.

Consequently, I spent a lot of money on AOL.  I used AOL not for any academic purpose, but to chat online.  As with most things online, there were a lot of men and very few women so I felt like a hot commodity.  I liked the attention, even if I did have to pay for it.

Many of the men with whom I chatted were not local; some were.  One local, TT, began to woo me hard.  He told me he had a girlfriend so in my naivete I thought that meant he was safe, that he didn’t want to hit on me because his romantic needs were being fulfilled.  I had never heard of relationships that were openly anything other than monogamous.  I had certainly heard of cheating, but I had also heard that straight men and women could be friends.

TT told me he loved the beach in general and sunbathing in particular.  I was (and am) very pale and prone to burning and freckling, though I did like the feeling of the sun on my skin.  So, armed with a very high SPF sunscreen and with orders that TT bring a beach umbrella, we planned to go to the beach.

TT picked me up in his Mustang.  It was packed with beach gear.  He drove us from Pasadena to a beach, the name or location of which I do not recall.  The drive took over an hour.  Over an hour of TT’s driving, to which I was just then being introduced.  I didn’t know at the time, but TT had some vision problems that affected his ability to drive completely safely.  What was obvious on that drive to the beach was that TT was easily distracted – that day by the fresh, 21-year-0ld, bisexual, loud, sex-talking, smart ass that was me back then.

He was so easily distracted during our drive that his Mustang often veered out of our lane, much to the honking panic of other drivers on the freeway.  TT, however, didn’t understand why I was so worried.  After all, he’d not actually hit any other cars.  I found it hard to believe he was sober.

Once at the beach he doted on me.  He helped me apply sunscreen; he set up the beach umbrella so I was mostly in the shade; he provided me with snacks and drinks.  It was a lovely time at the beach.  We left the beach when it started to get cold.  We drove back to Pasadena.  We were both having fun and didn’t want the day to end so we decided to go out to dinner.

TT was one of those early adopters; he had the latest of technology, including a car phone (cause it was a car phone, not a cell phone) back in the early 1990s.  When we were within range, on the way to the restaurant, he called his girlfriend.  From what I could hear from his end of the conversation everything was fine; we were going to dinner.  And I thought everything was fine until a very pissed off-looking woman approached our table.  TT introduced us but she had nothing to say to me.  TT handed her a set of keys and she left.

Well, that was odd.  He said she had forgotten her set of keys to her place and she was tired and that I shouldn’t take her behavior personally.  Fine, I wouldn’t.  We finished our dinner and then he drove me home.

I was single at the time and hadn’t been physically affectionate with anyone for quite some time so when he offered to cuddle with me as I fell asleep I was grateful rather than suspicious.  Well, I was dumb – naive – enough to think the cuddle session was just as platonic to him as it was to me.  However, when I felt his erection poke my butt I knew that wasn’t the case.  Maybe his girlfriend had reason to be upset, only not at me.

We continued to be friends despite his inappropriate boner.

[To be continued ….]

I swear.  True story.

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Sat 10 Apr 2010

May 10, 1991, 8:08am: A Diary Entry

Posted by shazamsf under Diary
No Comments

And then Laura called.  She said that when we finally do have sex – I’ll still wonder all the time if he likes me and then I’ll always want him over and I’ll always be whining to her and Beth.  But I was just thinking that he’s the type who wouldn’t have sex until there was some sort of relationship intrinsic there.  He is one of the first guys I’ve met who doesn’t think with his dick.  But here I am thinking with my ovaries.  But it’s only natural – I’m a young spry female – I have needs and its been a long time but I can go for at least as long as Laura has – four months but I don’t want to have to go that long.  He’s so fucking cute.  I mean shit – I’m always looking at him and he knows that.  Does he look at me?  I don’t see how he could – I’m always looking at him and when I’m not we’re not in the same room – I look hat him a lot – I have his face imprinted.  As a whole though – I probably couldn’t describe individual features – but maybe I could .  His mouth is so cute – a little pucker like a bow – I’m not sure if it has a cupid’s bow or not – full with a center division so they’re kind of symmetrical.  Oh, the thinks I could do to those lips.  Mother was supposed to bring my vacuum by but apparently she’s slacking.  Maybe this whole thing will be good for me – for relating to males not just sexually.  I don’t know what time to leave.  But at least I got as far as knowing if he talks and hangs around me then he likes to do that much.  I don’t know, this might actually be cool.  I just don’t understand how he can be so damned patient.  Some would consider that an attribute.  Who knows.  Are all boys this confusing?  Probably.  But it’s nice – the fast whirlwind things can get out of hand.  [Has he ever done anything on a whim?  Something rash?]  Slow and steady makes the race.  I feel kind of rotten ’cause I would be alright with the situation – of not being boyfriend/girlfriend – if I knew there’d be sex.  But then maybe not ’cause I would feel used and cheap and convenient.  He’s just a nice guy.  Damn – all the more reason to like him.  Gosh.  Well, maybe about fifteen years down the we’ll be together and call ourselves a couple.  Actually, I like not getting what I want.

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Fri 9 Apr 2010

Super?

Posted by shazamsf under True Story.
1 Comment

Recently I received a non-motorized fuck machine to test.  A friend, Lunch Guy, seems to think he can sell ten per day based on a rather large number of hits to a video of said fuck machine being used … by Madison Young.  Gee, could it be that a video of a porn performer using a fuck machine might get hits because of the content, not because people want to buy said machine?  The video was on Adult Friend Finder, a site he seems to like despite its extremely tacky nature.  And why wouldn’t he like it considering that’s how he and I met?  I met him and Michael through AFF so my experience has been 50% good and 50% really shitty, but a sample size of two is hardly large enough to make an accurate assessment.  Nonetheless, I’m not using AFF again; it has a shitty reputation in the internet fuck site world.

Along with the fuck machine, Lunch Guy gave me two “vibrating super dongs” that, according to the box literature, were “Moulded from a real SUPER sized COCK!”  Great, I love super-sized cocks.  My pussy really loves ‘em.  The fuck machine requires a phallus with a suction cup base, which the dongs have.

What the dongs don’t have is actual super size.  The photo on the box looks like a pretty average sized penis.  Sadly, the dong contained within the box is smaller than the picture on the box, as you can see.

Upon discovering the actual dong was so small, I told the ‘mate – who has considerably less cock experience than do I – that the cock was not only not “super,” but it was not impressive in any way.  When circling the dong with my thumb and middle finger I could overlap my digits without problem.  I do not have particularly big hands or even long fingers; I would describe my hands as small and square and my fingers as sausage-y.

Just in case the ‘mate didn’t agree/comprehend I put one of the dongs in my mouth.  I could get more than half of it in my mouth, with minimal effort.  If I tried I’m sure I could get the entire thing down my throat.

I’m sure y’all, and the ‘mate, think I’m just a size queen.  Maybe I am.  But I showed one of the dongs to my friend Ramona and she immediately declared that the dong was most definitely not super.  As proof she showed that her hand could easily circle it, just as mine could.

And why do dongs have balls?  I understand that some men appreciate their testicles manipulated manually and/or orally, and I’m happy to do so, but the pleasure I derive is based not on physical sensation.  It is based on the knowledge that I’m making someone feel good.  I do like feeling balls smack against me during vigorous fucking, but that smacking is because the balls are swinging around within the scrotum.

With a dong I don’t have to make it feel good; it’s there to make me feel good, so no need for balls.  And silicone doesn’t swing around enough to provide that satisfying smack against my clit when I’m getting fucked from behind, so no need for balls.  The balls are completely unnecessary.

The dongs are so small that the two of them fit, shoe-style in a single box.  This is misuse of the word super to the extreme.

I swear.  True story.

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Thu 8 Apr 2010

The Virgin, or Hi, Chris Hansen

Posted by shazamsf under True Story., moron
[3] Comments

[Ah, OkCupid, how I love/hate thee.]

Mar. 28, 2010 – 10:20am
hey can we hookup

Mar. 28, 2010 – 10:53am
It takes a little more than that, charmer.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 10:56am
ok sorry I’m 17 I’m a virgin wanting to have sex ur a beautiful person and look like the right women for me to do it with

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:09am
If you read my profile then you know I think things like capitalization, punctuation, and spelling are important, even on OkCupid, even for casual sex.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:11am
Darling, while I am very flattered, until you are the age of majority I simply cannot have relations with you.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:13am
cant u just have sex with me I mean take a chance pleez it wld be fun. u don’t know until u experience the chance you take :)

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:22am
No, darling, I do know BECAUSE I’M NOT A VIRGIN.  I also know, because I am an attorney, that it is inappropriate and illegal for us to have relations.

  You are the one who doesn’t know if it would be fun because you have never done it.

  If you hit on women more than twice your age you need to learn how to write in a more mature manner so they will not dismiss you outright.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:24am
so what should u say to women?

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:33am
Well, try by using the shift key, and spelling words properly.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 11:34am
Ok anything else?

Mar. 28, 2010 – 1:40pm
Punctuation too, dear.

  And say a little more about yourself on your profile.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 1:42pm
ok but I wish you could just do it with me

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:26pm
I’ll fuck you on your 18th birthday.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:34pm
I think u should just do it while I’m 17 it’s more legit :)

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:38pm
Then you should find someone closer to your age.  Legitimate for what?

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:39pm
no but I want you lol :)

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:44pm
I want to stay out of trouble with the law.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:45pm
you will if we keep it a secret and I really want it to fuck you badly:) just pleez

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:51pm
Darling, 17 year olds are shitty at keeping secrets. 

Begging is not attractive.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:51pm
And you still need to capitalize and punctuate and spell.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 2:54pm
Ok baby no need to swear it’s not very appealing to me. :) Maybe if you were to experiment a little bit with me you would have some fun.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 4:51pm
You’re calling me baby?!  Uh, son, it is not your place to tell me not to swear.  I swear a lot and you’re certainly not going to stop me from doing so.  

I’m sure you would have fun if we experimented a little bit, but I seriously doubt I’d have all that much fun with someone who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 5:05pm
You don’t know until you try

Mar. 28, 2010 – 5:14pm
Actually, I do know because I’ve fucked virgins before.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 5:38pm
Ok but you havnt fucked me before. You just got to give me a chance.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 6:19pm
No one has fucked you before.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 6:22pm
Obviously no one has that’s why I am asking you. You are cute and sexy and I want to fuck you.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 6:26pm
That is very flattering, and I’ll be happy to accommodate – as soon as you’re 18 years of age.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 6:28pm
Come on 18 or not can’t you just do it with me jeez. I could of lied and said I was 18 but I didn’t I was truthful.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 6:54pm
And I appreciate that.  However, before any relations would have ensued I’d've checked your id.

  The fact that you can’t spell, and you don’t know what a sentence is makes it clear you’re too young to fuck – me at least.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 7:17pm
are you serious I know how to spell I take an AP English course it’s called abreviating

Mar. 28, 2010 – 8:12pm
Yes, I am serious. I have repeatedly expressed a desire to communicate properly. What you just wrote should have read, “Are you serious? I know how to spell; I take an AP English course. It’s called abbreviating.”

  When’s your birthday?

Mar. 28, 2010 – 8:16pm
Its pretty far away it doesn’t matter I just want to do it with you and you won’t cus I’m 17 :(

Mar. 28, 2010 – 9:14pm
That’s right. And also because you can’t write a proper sentence.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 9:17pm
Yes, I can write a proper sentence. See just do it with me:)

Mar. 28, 2010 – 10:03pm
You’re missing a comma, and a period.

Mar. 28, 2010 – 10:05pm
Ya I know in the last sentence. Why do you keep talking to me if your not even interested?

Mar. 28, 2010 – 10:45pm
Because you are under 18. Therefore, I cannot be interested. You don’t seem to get it.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 6:29am
Or maybe you are just too scared of the law.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 9:01am
Yes, I am scared of the law.  I’m also afraid of being disbarred.  The prospect of neither criminal charges nor lack of career make me want to have what is sure to be awkward, clumsy, BAD sex with a virgin.

  Do you even know what a clitoris is?  Could you find one on a map?

Mar. 29, 2010 – 9:02am
Oh, and trying to manipulate someone into bed with you by essentially calling them a chicken, is not only immature, but kind of creepy.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 2:37pm
Ya the clitoris is your sweet spot:)

Mar. 29, 2010 – 3:24pm
But where is it? Have you seen a vulva live and in person?

Mar. 29, 2010 – 3:26pm
Yes I have I’ve fingered a girl before. Your clitoris is right above your vagina it’s the excess skin that’s really sensitive.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 3:42pm
Oh my. Wow. There’s absolutely nothing excessive about a clitoris, my dear. And it’s all really sensitive.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 3:44pm
ok ok I know why are you asking me this?

Mar. 29, 2010 – 4:38pm
To illustrate that I am likely correct in my assumption that if we were to hook up – if you were over 18 – that it would be an awkward and unsexy mess.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 8:40pm
Then ok you don’t want to hookup.

Mar. 29, 2010 – 10:54pm
What made you think that?

Mar. 30, 2010 – 6:34am
You said you won’t because I’m not 18 and I can’t spell.

Mar. 30, 2010 – 12:14pm
You are correct.

I swear.  True story.

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