9:33 P.M.

Haven’t talked to Henry in a week.  The Duchess is playing tonight at the Shamrock.  Why can’t I have a car?  But if I did have on, I probably would go to Sin-a-Matic.  It’s a club at Peanuts (a very gay bar on Santa Monica Blvd.) where every week they have a different demonstration in the back room.  I got these out of the L.A. Weekly of course.  One week’s I missed, but from now on I’ll be faithful.  Sean said he wants to go because this is by the same people who brought us Club Fuck.  Never heard of it – or maybe only vaguely.  I acted like I wasn’t very interested.  Because if I am shocked or fascinated, I don’t want anyone to see.  I would also like to meet some interesting people.  I don’t know why I’m so interested.  It’s a whole other world with many people involved – an under-ground society – I bet it has a matri- archy and everything.  Also, it’s kind of forbidden, secret, naughty.  Even D.J. asked me why I was interested in the S&M stuff again.  But who is she to talk?  She keeps telling me not to let someone tie me up unless I trust them totally.  I do have a survival instinct that makes me nervous – towards sketchy people.  I get instincts.  And they’re usually right.

Abel hasn’t called me since Wednesday.  Did I do something wrong?  Do I care?  Sort of.  And I don’t hear anything from Laura of course.

Sean came over last night.  He’s so sweet.  He brought me ice cream ’cause I was whining for it.  He’s very patient too.  It was taking quite a long time for me to come but he kept his little hands going and going and going.  I thought it just wasn’t going to happen and kept telling him to stop but he didn’t.  And I had a really big O.  I was quite loud.  I guess if I am more involved with the person ….

A very loud car alarm is going off in the parking garage.  It’s 11:25 P.M.  I have to be at work in the

I just walked out there to see if maybe someone was attempting to make it stop.  No.  And the guy whose car it belongs to had company ’cause a stranger’s car is there.  I was gonna go up to his place but as I walked by, it stopped.  Thank god.

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