11:32 P.M.

Home alone on a Saturday night.  How boring ’cause I’m ready to go to bed too.  I’ve got to do a flea fogger ’cause the fleas are jumping all over me and irritating the fuck out of me.  I’m fat.  I’m having one meal a day and trying not to eat late at night.  I could even work out tomorrow but I could also lay out and do laundry – both of which I need to do.  Well, actually, I should stay out of the sun but I figure this year is sun year and the years to come will be sunless.  It would be great if I could get my sunscreen back from Beth but no she still has my Simon t-shirt.  I know I still have her stuff but I have offered to give it back and she’s just refused.  I invited Sean over but he had a friend over and couldn’t dump him.  Oh well, Suzanne gets none.  Tomorrow night is a Duchess de Sade show at the Coconut Teazer.  I am so hungry but there is no food here and everything is closed now.  I’m glad I waited it out.  I’m tired of being fat.  I want a cute little body to show off to lay sexily on my bed for all to see.  These fucking fleas.  I have to remember to price foggers.  I’m tired of beer commercials.  I’m hungry.  Today I had—

  • sunflower seeds
  • 2 toffee candies
  • chocolate-covered pretzel
  • pecan log
  • 2 macadamia and white chocolate cookies
  • milk (whole)
  • turkey-avocado sandwich

I obviously don’t need any more food.  I just all of the sudden started eating a lot.  It was two weeks ago when D.J. was here.  We packed it in that day.  Sunflower seeds and gum to keep my mouth happy.  I don’t really get hungry, I eat out of habit and also ’cause I have money from work.  I could stop getting money but it helps my financial situation – that is if I’d save it instead of eating my profits.  What’s wrong with me?  Why can’t I be obsessive about exercising?  It does feel kind of good and now that I’m not smoking pot except on a social basis I should feel even better and be able to work real hard.  I should’ve gone today but I’m so tired.  Fuck.  I don’t want to be fat anymore.

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