In January 2010 I was contacted via email, as I am occasionally, by a stranger. The initial email was titled “Fisting” and contained a confession to being interested in the subject as well as a fear of being considered a “a perv, or a sicko” for his kinky interests, which he had theretofore kept to himself.

I get this kind of email probably because I am open and honest and unashamed of my own sexuality or by that of my many partners. Also, because it’s just email – because I’m not a “real” person – I’m safe.  I’m safe because I’m a faceless stranger on the internet.  I’m safe because until one talks – actually talks face-to-face – about his desires he doesn’t have to “out” himself as “a perv, or a sicko.”

I’m safe also because I’m encouraging.  My response to the initial email was to tell him that being a perv, or a sicko is part of the fun of having a dirty mind, that it might as well be embraced.  Our email exchange continued.  He told me he had been in a sexually incompatible marriage, and that he had considered hiring a professional, but that seemed “too risky.  And expensive!”

Ladies and gentlemen, isn’t your sexual fulfillment worth a few hundred dollars?  A few thousand dollars?  Being honest with yourself and others?  I simply cannot understand why someone who is afraid of his own desires, who worries about being labeled ill, wouldn’t hire a well-respected escort with whom he can be open and honest without fear of rejection or judgment.  You’re not paying for the sex, you’re paying for the faith that she’s probably seen “worse.”  An escort is a professional who gets paid for her discretion.  If she wants to keep you as a client, she doesn’t laugh at you or judge you.  You think you’re depraved?  You should’ve seen the last guy.

An escort is much like a waxer.  (Stay with me, people.)  An escort, like a waxer, sees her clients at their most vulnerable – with their ankles behind their heads.  Sure, you have some dark fantasies, but you’re not the only one, and you needn’t concern yourself with shame.  Your escort will take care of you so you can go out in the world anxiety-free.  Sure, you’re hirsute, but a few minutes behind closed doors and no one else needs to know.  Both waxer and escort suggest you come back about once a month.  I would suggest not seeing escort and waxer the same week every month – stagger those appointments.

I suggested the emailer and I meet.  He told me that he had a place in the East Bay, and said he didn’t have a lot of either time or money.  He also told me that he could almost “cum” from licking pussy.  And then I knew it:  This guy was ashamed that he had fantasies about being submissive to women.  I think it’s just plain silly to be ashamed to want a woman to sit on one’s face, but then I live in the sex-positive bubble known as San Francisco.

We scheduled a date to meet.  He told me he wanted a woman to squirt on him.  More submissiveness.  I want to make clear that a man being submissive to a woman is not a negative thing, does not make him any less of a man, yet he was only letting me know this about him in bits and pieces because he thought it was something that was shameful to disclose.  That was probably one of the major reasons his marriage was sexually incompatible, he didn’t tell his wife what he wanted.

[To be continued ….]

I swear.  True story.

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