Recently I received a non-motorized fuck machine to test.  A friend, Lunch Guy, seems to think he can sell ten per day based on a rather large number of hits to a video of said fuck machine being used … by Madison Young.  Gee, could it be that a video of a porn performer using a fuck machine might get hits because of the content, not because people want to buy said machine?  The video was on Adult Friend Finder, a site he seems to like despite its extremely tacky nature.  And why wouldn’t he like it considering that’s how he and I met?  I met him and Michael through AFF so my experience has been 50% good and 50% really shitty, but a sample size of two is hardly large enough to make an accurate assessment.  Nonetheless, I’m not using AFF again; it has a shitty reputation in the internet fuck site world.

Along with the fuck machine, Lunch Guy gave me two “vibrating super dongs” that, according to the box literature, were “Moulded from a real SUPER sized COCK!”  Great, I love super-sized cocks.  My pussy really loves ‘em.  The fuck machine requires a phallus with a suction cup base, which the dongs have.

What the dongs don’t have is actual super size.  The photo on the box looks like a pretty average sized penis.  Sadly, the dong contained within the box is smaller than the picture on the box, as you can see.

Upon discovering the actual dong was so small, I told the ‘mate – who has considerably less cock experience than do I – that the cock was not only not “super,” but it was not impressive in any way.  When circling the dong with my thumb and middle finger I could overlap my digits without problem.  I do not have particularly big hands or even long fingers; I would describe my hands as small and square and my fingers as sausage-y.

Just in case the ‘mate didn’t agree/comprehend I put one of the dongs in my mouth.  I could get more than half of it in my mouth, with minimal effort.  If I tried I’m sure I could get the entire thing down my throat.

I’m sure y’all, and the ‘mate, think I’m just a size queen.  Maybe I am.  But I showed one of the dongs to my friend Ramona and she immediately declared that the dong was most definitely not super.  As proof she showed that her hand could easily circle it, just as mine could.

And why do dongs have balls?  I understand that some men appreciate their testicles manipulated manually and/or orally, and I’m happy to do so, but the pleasure I derive is based not on physical sensation.  It is based on the knowledge that I’m making someone feel good.  I do like feeling balls smack against me during vigorous fucking, but that smacking is because the balls are swinging around within the scrotum.

With a dong I don’t have to make it feel good; it’s there to make me feel good, so no need for balls.  And silicone doesn’t swing around enough to provide that satisfying smack against my clit when I’m getting fucked from behind, so no need for balls.  The balls are completely unnecessary.

The dongs are so small that the two of them fit, shoe-style in a single box.  This is misuse of the word super to the extreme.

I swear.  True story.

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