Jesús died two years ago.  At the time we weren’t talking, really.  I think he was mad at me for fucking up my marriage.  I think he thought of the Ex and I as a steady force in his life and blamed me for upsetting the balance.

He used to sleep at our place on weekends when he’d gone out (usually with the Ex) and it was too late to take BART back to Oakland.  He had a toothbrush I provided him and the downstairs bathroom was dubbed his.  I gave him shit when he didn’t squeegee down the glass shower doors in his bathroom after showering, which was often.

Jesús absolutely loved music, and tended to like it rather depressing.  Oftentimes when we had a social gathering at our house Jesús would take it upon himself to play music.  One of the common songs he’d play was Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You.”  While a great song, it’s not exactly the kind of song that’ll get people jumping at a party.

When Jesús was a passenger in a car he’d go through the car’s musical selection (in cassette or CD form) and put on what he wanted to hear without consulting the driver or any of the other passengers.

I once accused him of thinking that his taste was so good that he felt that everyone else needed to be enlightened by his musical taste.  He denied it, but I still assert that was the case.

Jesús and I went to a show at the Independent a few years back.  The headliners were Kasabian, the lead singer of which kept saying, “Hello, San Francisco” as if he was reminding himself and his band members of where they were playing.  One of the opening bands was Mew, a band that impressed both of us, me because the lead singer had a baby face, him probably because they’re kind of depressing.  ”Zookeeper’s Boy” is an excellent example.

When I drove the Ex to SFO so he could go to Jesús’ funeral, Pela’s song “Episodes” came on and I began to cry.  I’m pretty sure Jesús never heard the song but for some reason it reminded me of him.  I did not go to the funeral; I’ve never been to an open casket funeral and hope I never will.

And recently I’ve discovered this song:

I’m convinced that if Jesús had heard the song he would have loved it.

I keep Jesús’ toothbrush in the downstairs bathroom still.  A painting Jesús did is above the fireplace.

No, I never had sex with him.  We were good friends.  I miss him.

I swear.  True story.

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