Today I got my new computer from a very cool, very generous guy.  Once I got it home and went Online I accessed Random Rim Jobs where the following comment to “Pussy!” was submitted:

I’ve been reading this blog for a good 4 months now (i think).. I’ve seen the face pictures you’ve posted, ive seen your tits, and ive seen the hot Twitter avatar you have. You know, the one that says “swallows” and happens to show off a pair of nice tits and a pretty thin waist.

Imagine my surprise when watching real sex on HBO, you looked old and not so hot… kind of goofy….and definitely about 45 pounds heavier than you appeared in the pictures previously shared.

so anyways.. .there IS a point to this comment. I’m being an asshole but not a *complete* asshole.

Do the guys you meet on Craigslist get a picture thats a little more…. truthful/revealing/less flattering than the ones you’ve shared here on the blog prior to actually meeting you?

If not I imagine some of them would be a little disappointed.

Charming, eh?  If I had read this last week, just after I spilled wine on my computer, I probably would have killed myself.  Really.

Now, I just wonder why some assface has so much time on his hands and what he thinks insulting me is going to accomplish.

And since my only response directly to him was to thank him for the material – I’d few ideas on what to post today – I’ve decided to respond to him in a more public forum.

Dear Charles ([email protected]):

Thank you for reading Random Rim Jobs.  I’m glad you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read and seen so far.  I hope you keep reading, as I do post something new every damn day.

Thank you so much for appreciating my ample breasts and proportionally small waist.  Both can probably be attributed to my mother’s side of the family, though my father doesn’t have any sisters so I don’t know how XX chromosomes would have expressed themselves given the chance.

I’m also glad you watched the episode of “Real Sex” in which I was in a segment.  Best of all, thank you for sharing with me your opinion of me.  There’s nothing a person likes more than to know some asshole she has no interest in meeting thinks she looks old, not so hot, goofy, and overweight.  I’m not quite sure what your intent was other than to make me feel bad.  What a small person you must be.

Assuming what you say is true – that I looked old, not so hot, kind of goofy, and heavier than I appeared in previously disclosed photos – so the fuck what?  I’m not going to go into all the bullshit about the camera adding ten pounds – since by your math I’d still be 35 pounds heavier than I should (?) be – or that the segment was filmed in high definition which clearly doesn’t mix well with either freckles or dark under eye circles, but I do wonder what you would look like in the same situation.

When you look down, or in the mirror, or into the face of someone who is looking at you, do you always like everything you see?  Do you wish this were better, or maybe that?  Do you want more of some things (yeah, I’m talking about cock length and girth here) and less of others (that gut isn’t so sexy, dear)?  Guess what, everyone feels like that.  We are our own worst critics; what you’ve felt the need to share with me is just a portion of the shit I think about myself all the time.

By the way, do you have any photos of yourself for the world to see?  Have you ever been on television?  I would appreciate the opportunity to assess you.  I can’t imagine you’d hold up all that well to scrutiny.

I do tend to post flattering photos of myself, which I think is understandable.  Why would I want to post shitty pictures of me?  I, however, have not posted the photos of myself I find most flattering because those are quite a few years old and do not accurately represent what I now look like.  And/or I make clear that they are particularly good photos of me, as in the second part of the story about Las Vegas.S in JR

For example, this is a fucking great photo of me.  I was 26.  I had just returned from my first trip to Thailand (“Smooth as Silk“) where it is hot and the food is good, but served in small portions.  I didn’t realize at the time how thin – for me, as I’ve never been truly thin – I was.  I would never post this photo as an accurate representation of me now.  Because it’s not.

Because I have disappointed guys upon first meeting them. Let me direct you to this which makes that ever so clear.  I’ve also pleasantly surprised men and women.  I know this because they’ve told me, and I’ve no reason to disbelieve them since they’ve told me so both before and after we’ve fucked.

The photo in “Bras” was taken on or after September 25, 2009.  The photo of my tits in the “swallows” t-shirt was taken some time in early 2009 I believe.  I have neither gained nor lost 45 pounds since early June 2009, when the “Real Sex” segment was filmed.

Some people like me, some don’t.  Many who have met me in person do like me, and find me sexy, and hot, and goofy in a good way, and looking probably my age – 36, the fact of which I’ve never hidden.  By the way, I’ll be 37 on May 30, 2010.  I was born in 1973.  I do not try to hide the fact that I have birthdays every fucking year, which you would know if you’d read “Happy Birthday.”

Yesterday I received a text from the woman the encounter of which I wrote about in “Pussy!,” the story to which you’ve commented.  She wants us to be fuck buddies.  I told her that made me very happy.  Her text response to me:

Not sure why you are so surprised.  You’re sexy as hell, very funny – easy to talk to, and great in bed … why wouldn’t I want to repeat? ;)

That’s an opinion that matters, that of a person who has actually met me.

You know how to contact me should you want to prove me wrong in my assumption that you are not a perfect physical specimen.  Your poor writing has already made clear that you are not a perfect intellectual one.



P.S.:  Cman?  Really?  Lame.