Or, “What I Have to Do to Masturbate When I Live with My Ex-Husband and His Girlfriend in a Loft.”

They tend to go to bed rather early, usually by 10pm. I am a night person. I get mad horny at night.  But I can’t fire up the Magic Wand just anywhere because they’ll hear it, or they’ll see me.

So, I bring three floor pillows into the downstairs bathroom and sit on the floor in front of the pedestal sink.  The bathroom fan is on.  The Magic Wand gets plugged in at the outlet by the sink, the one that’s there for a curling iron or a blow dryer, only I own neither.

I sit on the pile of floor pillows, put my feet up on the tiled half-wall at the end of the tub next to the sink, and turn the Magic Wand on.  Unfortunately, I have to stifle myself when I come, which I assert makes the orgasm not quite so strong, but I guess that’s one of the many sacrifices I’ve had to make with this living situation.

I swear.  True story.

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