I went with my neighbor Ruby to see her husband’s band play at a club in North Beach.  I don’t often get out of my neighborhood so it was a nice change.  Ruby bought me a couple of drinks and then one of her friends bought me a couple more.  The band was good.  I was having a lovely time.

A friend had to work the next morning so she left pretty early.  I walked her out to the sidewalk to say goodbye.  I lamented the fact that no one was hitting on me.  Finally, I jokingly yelled out, “Will someone please fuck me

It worked.

The closest guy actually said yes.  Great.  We went across the street to a small bar.  The man had a foreign accent so I asked where he picked it up.  He said he was Greek.  He claimed to be a powerful business man of some sort.  Ok, whatever.

The guy was nice enough.  Eventually the bar closed, but he knew the bartender and the bouncer so the four of us hung out for a bit.  The bartender even brought his dog out from the back.

The bartender was a tiny little guy.  The bouncer was bouncer-size plus about 100 pounds.  They were an interesting pair.  By the time we all left the bar I was convinced the bartender and the bouncer were a couple.  I told the Greek business magnate my thoughts, but he didn’t believe it was possible.  Whatever, I have good gaydar.

Aristotle Onassis  and I went back to my apartment.  We went about fucking.  In the normal course of things I ventured toward his ass.  He freaked the fuck out.  He leaped off the bed and yelled things like, “I’m not like that.  I’m not the fag.”

Of course when I found out Spiro Latsis was uptight about anal and thought that only fags put things in their butts my opinion of him changed considerably.  Nonetheless, I talked him down and told him it was no big deal.  Why I try to talk to men when they’re sexed up is beyond me, because I surely wasn’t going to change his mind.

I think by that time I didn’t give a shit about ever seeing Philip Niarchos again.  He got back in bed.  We again started fooling around.  And I again went for his ass.  He again popped up out of bed.  And began to get dressed.  He kept yelling that he wasn’t like that.  I told him to calm the fuck down, and that a finger in his ass would not make him gay.

I think he eventually fucked me, but things were most definitely not nearly as hot as they were before he freaked out.  I thought “Greek” was a euphemism for liking ass play.  That’s what Greek Guy told me back when we met anyway.  That Greek guy loved all things anal, both giving and receiving.  That’s the kind of straight guy I like.  Uptight is boring as fuck.

I swear.  True story.

Post to Twitter Post to Delicious Post to Digg Post to Facebook Post to MySpace Post to StumbleUpon